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Time to get ready to pack and go

Dear Cabinet and Congress Members

 COMRADES, I am writing this from the United States where I am attending a summit on the Millennium Development Goals.

These highways, byways and buildings which are so tall that they look like they could touch the sky have mesmerised me. The food is scrumptious and the wine fantastic.

Life is good in America, comrades.

But we are not here on holiday, as some of you might think. 

We are here for serious business.

The lessons I am getting from other world leaders here are vital if we are to meet our Millennium Development Goals by 2015.

It pains me that I will report to the world leaders gathered here that our country’s efforts to meet the eight millennium goals are either “off track” or “slow”.

I will tell them that our efforts to eradicate poverty, reduce child mortality and improve maternal health by 2015 are crumbling.

Our efforts to combat the scourge of HIV and Aids as well as other diseases like TB are painfully slow.

So are our goals of ensuring environmental sustainability and global partnership for development.

Yet it’s not all doom and gloom.

Our efforts to achieve universal primary education are on course.  

We have done well on gender equality and the empowerment of women.

But that is not enough for us to ululate with joy.

More still needs to be done.

That is why on my return home I will have very serious talks with all ministers responsible for those areas that are lagging behind.

Comrades, prepare yourselves for a major shake-up.

Those who busy themselves with attending meetings held at “unholy” hours to plot my ouster instead of improving the lives of our people will be booted out.

Comrades, this is not a threat but a promise.

Those persistent rumours that you have heard about an imminent cabinet reshuffle are just about to become a reality: indolent ministers will soon pack their bags and go.

I have heard that after catching wind of their looming exit some ministers are already spreading rumours that their exclusion from the government will spell doom for the ruling party.

Such delusional predictions and fearmongering is coming from ministers who have neither a political constituency nor the mental stamina to mastermind the demise of our movement.

Many of these comrades conveniently forget that they are in government because of my benevolence and nothing else.

It is I who appoints and disappoints.

I must however admit that perhaps the reason why some of these people have, of late, started wagging their long tails is because I have allowed their indolence and nefarious activities to go unchecked for too long.

High on the fame and power that comes with big government jobs that I dished to them, some are starting to think that their positions are a birthright.

So big have their egos grown that they now think that they can succeed me through the backdoor.

Women and men who I pulled out of the misery of oblivion and dungeons of poverty now have the audacity to plan my demise and that of the movement.

But, comrades of the movement, you can be assured that these people will not succeed.

They will be jobless before they know it.

Before the cock crows thrice they will be back to their very humble beginnings.

Watch this space: these mafikizolos are just about to meet their waterloo. 



A log in your eye

That Public Accounts Committee is at it again.

This time this committee, made up of some opposition big shots, has issued some old report alleging that my office overshot its budget by millions some four or five years ago.

They say my office overspent by M8 million in the 2004/5 fiscal year.

They allege that my office overshot its 2005/6 budget allocation by M6 million.

The timing of that scandalous report was sinister, to say the least.

They know that because I am away in the United States I would not be able to defend myself on national television.

That money, by the way, was spent on a poverty reduction programme which, ironically, is one of the MDGs that we are discussing here in New York.

Some of it was used to run my office.

Did they want my motorcade to run on water?

It’s also ironic that Tom Thabane, one of the committee members, actually led two government ministries that the report alleges to have either mismanaged their funds or botched financial regulations.

In the 2004/5 fiscal year he was the home affairs minister and, boy, what a mess he left in that ministry.

The communication ministry he ran just before he sold out actually sat on more than M1.5 million that it had been allocated for serious projects.

Hanging on a cliff

I would like to thank our young comrades for the splendid job they did in cleaning up the rogue elements in the youth league last month.

That victory was a wake-up call for some senior national executive members who thought that they could use our youth league to further their political ambitions.

They wanted to use our political crèche to foment unrest within our party.

These are the same people who influenced the interim youth league leaders to write some ghost letters to my office. 

They went on a smear campaign against some of their rivals in the party.

Thank God, your vote last month brought them down to Mother Earth with a thud.

Their political ambitions have been mortally wounded.

As I write these notes (from America, of course), they are already licking their gushing wounds.

Those national executive members are now hanging on the cliff with their finger tips.

Soon they will be begging for mercy.

How wonderful this game called politics is!

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